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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24271123">Happiness is a butterfly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousdyke/pseuds/anxiousdyke'>anxiousdyke</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wolfstar oneshots to make me feel better [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black &amp; James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, The Marauders - Freeform, everything is FUCKING SAD, i wrote this while listening to lana del rey so, jily, look guys im really sorry for this one, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:01:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,697</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24271123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousdyke/pseuds/anxiousdyke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I miss him so fucking much," Sirius mumbled between harsh spasm of tears, clinging onto Remus' arms. "So much. I miss my best friend."</p><p>Remus' heart was breaking a little more with every sob leaving his throat. Sirius loved Remus most in the world, but he also loved James just as much, and one of his soulmates was dead and never coming back. He truly felt like he lost half of himself. It was wrecking, heart breaking, something Sirius was never prepared to feel. It was still fresh even after three months, and the pain hadn't stopped. Sirius felt like it never would.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wolfstar oneshots to make me feel better [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1377457</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Happiness is a butterfly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i accidentally hurt myself while writing lmao</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Godric's Hollow was so quiet it seemed like nobody had ever lived there. The entire place looked like it had been empty for years. A ghost town. Heavy January snow had covered roofs of the little old houses and the concrete pavements, and even there it was undisturbed, like nobody had paced the footpaths for days, maybe weeks.  </p><p>But it never used to be like that. Remus so vividly remembered how beautiful that place was in the summer, with enormous trees and adorable little gardens, with streets made from brown bricks and flowers blooming everywhere. He walked through the town he once so well knew feeling like he was in an odd nightmare that he wanted so desperately to wake up from. Remus remembered how they would all sit in the garden of James and Lily's house, playing with Harry and reaching high to the top of the trees to get the prettiest, reddest apples. Harry would ride his little baby broom that Sirius bought for him and Lily used to run behind him, half amused half irritated, and keep an eye on him so he wouldn't fall. And once Harry was asleep, they would all sit under the starry sky with bottles of butterbeer and laugh, drink, and the entire world, full of problems, Death Eaters and its' madness would disappear.</p><p>And Peter was there too, Remus suddenly realized. He used to sit with them too. That thought filled his body with anger so strong his hands started to shake. He was there with them. Did he already know he would sentence his friends to death?</p><p>
  <em>That little town that used to be so full of colors, now seemed all gray.</em>
</p><p>They stood in front of the ruins of James and Lily's house and Sirius squeezed Remus' hand a little tighter. Remus was afraid to look at him. He was scared of what he was going to see on Sirius' face. Sadness, regret or maybe anger? Anger pointed at Remus, who stopped him from killing Peter that cursed night?</p><p>Looking at the Potter's house made Remus' heart clench. It looked just as it used to, but there was a hole on the top floor just where Harry's room used to be. The roof and part of the wall was gone, but otherwise it remained untouched since that night. It had been almost three months and nobody had done anything to it - furniture was still inside, snow was falling inside the rooms. Remus hadn't been there for months, the last time he visited was when his best friends were still alive, and seeing the house now made him nauseous. He was a little curious if everything ithey owned was still inside - Lily's books, James' broomstick and quidditch gear, Harry's mascots. For a second he almost felt like going inside and taking something with them. </p><p>"Are you alright?" Sirius spoke for the first time since they arrived in Godric's Hollow. His face was so pale it was visible even in the dark, snowy evening. Remus' throat felt sore, he tried to clear it, but it didn't help at all. "Remus?"</p><p>"No," he shrugged and saw Sirius nodding. His fears weren't real - Sirius' face wasn't angry or mad - it was clear of any emotions. Only his eyes showed how sad he really was.</p><p>Remus felt tears in his eyes, too. What would he give to see Lily again! To laugh with her, to fight beside her, to hold her in his arms. There was nobody who understood him quite as well as she did, and now she was gone, and Remus was left with that overwhelming sadness he wasn't sure if he's ever going to heal from.</p><p>Sirius embraced him tightly. "I know."</p><p>He knew coming here would be painful, but he expected nothing more than what they had been feeling for the past months. Visiting Godric's Hollow turned out to be way worse than that.</p><p>"I wonder if..." Remus started quietly and wiped his eyes. "If their things are still inside."</p><p>Sirius got chills at those words. He imagined walking into the Potter's house like nothing had changed, seeing all the pictures, all furniture, James' favorite armchair, everything looking as if they were just about to come back home... Sirius shook his head. He didn't want to think about it.</p><p>"I don't imagine Dumbledore would come up and collect their stuff," he answered gently, trying hardest he could to stop his voice from shaking. Remus nodded. "Do you want to go inside?"</p><p>"No," Remus shook his head. "Absolutely not."</p><p>He wouldn't be able to bear that, and something told him that Sirius asked just because he had nothing else to say. He looked at the house again, and for a second he could swear he saw something ginger in the window where he and Lily would always drink coffee and talk. When he blinked, there was nothing there.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>"Thank you for coming," Lily said quietly to Remus as they were standing by the window, watching Sirius and James play with Harry in the garden. Harry's pitchy giggles would be heard every few seconds, whenever one of them tickled him or made a stupid face. Remus' heart grew just by watching the three of them, sitting under the big apple tree.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus took his eyes off them and looked at Lily, whose worried look was glued onto little Harry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is getting harder for us," she went on and Remus decided not to interrupt her. "Sitting here, doing nothing. It's worse for James. I don't think he's able to stand sitting home in one place for much longer. He hates this, I can see it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sure it won't take long anymore," her friend answered, and he genuinely believed that. "Dumbledore is doing his best, the Order too. You know it's necessary." 
</em></p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, of course, and I'm ready to do it for the next two years if Harry's safety is on the line," Lily replied and sighed. "I'm just worried for James. He's not used to be captured like this. He's only this cheerful when somebody visits, he gets quieter and sadder with every passing day. I'm just-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What are you saying, Lils?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm afraid he regrets this," she whispered so quietly it was barely hearable, and something inside her just broke, Remus saw it in her eyes. They teared up, and he knew that she was holding those words inside for a long time. "Marrying me, having Harry. I don't know Moony, he's not as happy as he used to be and there's nothing I want more than for him to feel good, I don't know what to do. And God knows for how long we'll be locked here-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her voice broke down and Remus immediately took her into an embrace. She tried her best not to cry, but quiet sobs were leaving her mouth anyway. </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey, listen to me, do you trust me?" he asked and she nodded, breathing in his scent and trying to calm herself down. "James is the happiest man alive with you. Really. I've heard him say it more than once. He doesn't regret a thing."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know," she murmured. "But this situation-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Is nothing but an obstacle that you'll overcome," Remus smiled and kissed her forehead. "I promise. I know James. He tells all kinds of stuff to Sirius. You really have nothing to worry about. And once this is over, which I'm sure is not far away, everything will be just like it used to. We'll go to Hogsmeade and have a drink. Trust me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I do," Lily wiped her eyes again and smiled, seeming convinced. She looked at Remus' face, and then hugged him again. "Thank you. I love you so much, Moony."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Love you, too."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>The wind got colder as they walked down the white pavement. The destination was not far away, but the thought of it turned Sirius' stomach into knots, his legs shaking. He took a pack of cigars out of his pocket and Remus looked at him sceptically.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"It calms me down," Sirius said before his boyfriend could verbally express his disapproval. Remus, however, only sighed and stretched out his hand.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"Give me one," he replied and Sirius, althought very surprised, put a cigar between his teeth and lit it up. Remus inhaled the smoke deeply. Two black cats ran in front of them and it was the first sign of any living creatures mucking in this town.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>The closer to the cemetery they were, the darker the sky was getting. It was a coincidence, of course, but it somehow fit the place they were just about to enter perfectly. The cemetery was set behind a big, wooden church in the centre of the town. It was a very small place, surrounded by wooden fence so old some of the boards had already started to rot. A small arc made from branches and flowers invited them to come in. Remus felt his entire body going stiff as they walked through those doors. For the past two months both he and Sirius seemed to still hope that Lily or James would just knock on their doors. They never saw bodies of their best friends, and that hopeless thought didn't want to leave them. Remus hoped seeing their grave would assure them, once and for all, that they're really gone. But he was also afraid of it.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>They started wandering around all the graves, holding hands. Sirius had lit up his wand to give them some light, because the night had completely fallen. After a few minutes he gasped loudly, tearing the silence around them - his eyes had caught something Remus didn't yet see. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Lily and James' grave was surrounded by flowers, bottles with letters inside them, candles magically enchanted to never stop glowing. It looked marvelous. Simple gray grave sank between signs of gratefulness that wizards from all around had placed there, and it made Remus' heart grow. So many people had come there and paid their respects to their friends...</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>They walked closer to the grave. Remus reached his hand to shed the thick layer of snow covering it. It felt so odd and completely out of place to see James and Lily's names engraved on the graphite. The stone felt so cold under his fingertips.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Suddenly, Sirius wailed so loudly Remus looked at him in fear, sure that something must had happened. He immediately reached to him, because Sirius looked like he was about to fell onto his knees. Remus embraced him tightly. He'd never seen Sirius cry like this, and it terrified him.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>"I miss him so fucking much," Sirius mumbled between harsh spasm of tears, clinging onto Remus' arms. "So much. I miss my best friend."</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Remus' heart was breaking a little more with every sob leaving his throat. Sirius loved Remus most in the world, but he also loved James just as much, and one of his soulmates was dead and never coming back. He truly felt like he lost half of himself. It was wrecking, heart breaking, something Sirius was never prepared to feel. It was still fresh even after three months, and the pain hadn't stopped. Sirius felt like it never would.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>He missed the way James understood him without words. He missed how stupid James sometimes was, and how wonderfully they clicked with each other, that connection between them was something incredible and once in a lifetime. They never fought with each other, and James was always, always there for him. Sirius was sure they would be friends until they're old and gray, and that's what they promised each other.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, here we are," James said solemnly, taking a long look at the Hogwart's commons. The weather was beautiful - not a cloud on the sky, sun shining brightly, the perfect day to graduate from school. The gang was sitting under a big willow tree on a glade overlooking the lake and the Forbidden Forest. James' arm was around Lily's waist as he rose up his cup full of secretly smugged butterbeer with the other hand. "Graduates."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Best seven years of my life," Sirius added. He was leaning on Remus' torso, while Remus sat by the tree and rested his back against it. "What a time to be gay and do crimes."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lily laughed at that. "To the past seven years," she said, and they all drank from their glasses. None of them really knew what to say, because what can you tell, really, when you're saying goodbye to a huge part of your life and walking into the unknown? "I'm glad I'm here with you all."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think we really gave those teachers hell, my lords," James added and Lily rolled her eyes. "Do you think McGonagall is sad to see us go?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sure she's weeping into Dumbledore's beard right now," Remus said and they all bursted out with loud laughter. "No, but seriously, I think she is a little bit."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, I surely am," Lily murmured. Remus looked at her and he was certain her eyes were shining with tears before she wiped it with the back of her hand. "So many things have happened here! I don't even know where to start."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Then don't start," Sirius shrugged and they all looked at him. "Seriously. Don't dwell on it now. We have a shitload of memories for when we're old and gray. Now just... look around, Evans. Enjoy the view and try not to cry."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I wasn't crying!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, you were," Sirius winked to her and took another sip of his butterbeer. They were silent for a few minutes. James laid down, placed his head on Lily's lap and she started playing with his hair. Everything was perfect that evening. </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do you think will happen now?" Peter spoke, and Remus noticed he already drank his entire beer. "Outside? Do we really join the Order of the Phoenix?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wormtail, with all due respect, shut up," James replied and they all laughed, Peter too. "I'm not in the mood for thinking right now. Look at the lake, relax. Here, drink another beer."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus took another long sip from his cup and sighed. "I have to say this. Thank you, guys. Thanks for- you know-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Accepting your furry little problem?" James finished the sentenced and they exchanged looks. He smiled to his friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Seriously. You became animagi for me. You're the best friends I could have wished for."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius looked back and saw how moved his boyfriend really was. He kissed his cheek and winked to him, but Peter spoke before he could.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't thank us, just don't eat us when the next full moon comes," he joked and Remus threw empty bottle at him in response. </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I need you to promise something to me," Lily spoke. "For real. And don't laugh at me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Promise me we'll never stop being like this," she went on. "Friends. Seriously, Pads, I mean it! I want to keep being friends forever."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, you and Remus will have to visit us in our home when we get married," James added and tried to kiss Lily, but she hit him with her elbow - she tried to look irritated, but smiled. "And Peter too, of course!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No matter how hard it gets outside," Remus said way more seriously than the others and all eyes were on him. "I'm with Lily. I don't ever imagine not being friends with you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You are all so corny, where does it come from!" Sirius grinned, but he nodded too. "But yes. I love you, my gang of animals."</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"To never stopping being friends," Lily said and raised her cup. "Never, until we're old, gray and have like, a bunch of kids who are all friends with each other." </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I promise you, we are going to change the world," James added, deadly serious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"To being friends," they all agreed and drank their butterbeers. They didn't yet know what waits for them outside, but one thing was certain, and it would keep all of them going when things got exeptionally hard. Sirius smiled. That evening was so nice he wished life outside would get this easy and wonderful sometimes, too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
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